- In the Beginning: Karl & Susan met at uni and had 3 kids together. Then they move to Erinsborough, which turns out not to be a great idea because there is something in the water at Erinsborough that makes Karl a bit confused about who he is supposed to be snogging this week.
- Karl snogs some other woman: Karl starts treating Kate who has an incurable disease, which is the best kind if you are thinking of cheating on your wife because you are less likely to get dobbed on. He snogs her and then she dies, probably not as a result of the snog though because she did already have a disease. Karl forgets that dead chicks tell no tales and that he’s in the clear and he tells Susan that he was attracted to Kate - because if there’s one thing you’d love to hear from your husband, it’s how he wanted to bonk some woman who is now dead and so you can’t even say anything bitchy about her to make yourself feel better because it would be a bit crass because she is dead.
- Karl snogs another woman again: Karl wants to bonk his receptionist, Sarah. Because Karl is a super comforting guy who wants to comfort the shit out of Sarah after a breakup, they have a snog. But then because Karl is a stand-up dude he tells Sarah he can’t be with her because he loves his wife, which he shows by snogging his receptionist and his dying patient. Actually now that I think about it, Karl should not be allowed in a position of authority over any women because he is gross and in desperate need of some workplace training.
- Breakup #1.Toadie dobs him in for snogging the receptionist and Susan slaps Karl across the face and kicks him out. Sucked in, Karl, you dickhead.
- Oh Never Mind They’re Back Together #1. Karl moves into a flat. Some dude called Martin comforts the shit out of Susan. She kisses Martin, but realises she loves Karl and they get back together. Oh well, I guess everyone deserves a second ch-
- Karl snogs Sarah again: Karl drives Sarah to her wedding & then after her wedding he gets in another cheeky snog because he’s a mad lad who respects other people’s wedding vows as much as he respects his own.
- Breakup #2. Susan slips on some spilt milk (!) and develops retrograde amnesia (!!!) which causes her to lose 30 years of her memory. Susan rejects Karl as she cannot remember him and decides to divorce him. Shit yeah.
- Oh Never Mind They’re Back Together #2. Susan falls in love with that Karl dude she can’t remember and they decide to remarry. Susan regains her memory halfway through their vows. I bet her favourite wedding day memory is the moment she remembers that he kissed his receptionist.
- Karl starts sneaky drinking and Susan thinks he is having an affair with Izzy but Karl tells her nothing is going on and I guess because Karl has always been such a brilliant husband, Susan apologises (booo!). But also Susan decides they should spend some time apart and she goes to Adelaide (yeah!)
- Breakup #3. Karl starts hanging out with Izzy, I guess he figures if Susan thought they were banging he might be in with a chance there. When Susan gets back, Karl tells Susan he doesn’t love her any more and he moves into a flat.
- Karl cheats again but on Izzy this time. Karl shags Izzy and they get together. Izzy announces she is pregnant. Susan files for divorce. Susan & Karl have a snog and decide they are going to be friends.
- Karl proposes to Izzy, who accepts. Izzy has a miscarriage but it is probably not due to Karl’s proposal though he is a bit of a jinx frankly so I’m not ruling it out.
- Karl has a heart attack and calls Susan to tell her he loves her. Karl finds out he wasn’t the father of Izzy’s child and they break up.
- Susan becomes engaged to Alex, who Karl is treating for terminal cancer. Karl wants Alex to tell Susan the truth about his illness, but Alex refuses. Karl tells Susan anyway because he respects doctor-patient confidentiality along with marriage vows.
- Karl starts dating Jenny, but they break up when Jenny realises Karl still loves Susan. Karl acts as a witness at Susan and Alex’s wedding and he comforts Susan when her new husband dies hours later.
- Karl starts dating Jenny again and he asks her to move in with him but when Jenny’s career takes her away a lot, they break up again.
- Oh Never Mind They’re Back Together #3 but it took a while this time …OR DID IT? (Spoiler: it wasn’t very long at all, it just seems that way because they have been very busy). Karl and Susan have a snog & decide to get back together.
- Karl moves in with Susan. During a trip to London, they run into Izzy, who is pregnant. Karl proposes to Susan and they get married but Izzy turns up and goes into labour at their wedding because of course she does. Karl helps to deliver Izzy’s daughter, Holly.
- Susan learns Karl is Holly’s father and she tells him when they return home. Wait a minute, all that Karl/Jenny & Susan/Alex shit happened in NINE MONTHS? Damn, son. Anyway I guess he will always remember his daughter’s birthday because it’s also his & Susan’s wedding anniversary, oh no wait they’ve had three of those now. I wonder if it’s a faux pas if he buys a present on the wrong anniversary, like, an anniversary of one of their weddings that later ended in divorce? Or are they careful to always remarry on the same date to avoid confusion? Or do they just get shitfaced on all three dates and try not to think about it?
- Susan snogs some other dude: Karl helps save some guy called Jim when he collapses and he later witnesses Susan kissing Jim. Karl and Susan leave the hospital to talk and Jim dies. Susan is angry with Karl for keeping her from Jim and she goes away to plan his funeral. Bit difficult to get your righteous indignation on when you’ve been caught snogging someone but if anybody can do it, it is Susan. I guess it’s about time she got a snog in anyway, though maybe she should stick with Karl since she seems to otherwise be attracted to dying dudes.
- Breakup #4. Karl & Susan have a snog and Susan moves out. Guess it wasn’t that good of a snog.
- Karl starts dating Jessica. He invites Susan to have a drink with him at home. Jessica finds out and tells Karl that he can have her or Susan, but not both. This might sound a bit possessive but clearly Jess has read Karl’s Wikipedia page. Karl & Jessica break up.
- Karl tries online dating and meets Olivia. Karl and Olivia go out a couple of times, but Olivia declines a third date after realising Karl wants something serious. I guess he has been separated for a while now so it’s probably time for him to get remarried again.
- Susan’s sister, Carmel, comes to visit and gets on well with Karl. You think you know where this is going but surprise, it is Carmel who hits on Karl and he rejects her.
- Karl tells Susan he wants to get back together. Because of course he does.
- Sarah comes back & Karl asks her not to tell anyone that they boned, back when I said they snogged one of those times, I don’t know which one. I hope not the one that was after she just got married. Susan gives Karl divorce papers. He invites Sarah to join him for a drink and they kiss, but soon realise that it was a mistake. Karl tells Susan the truth about how far things went with Sarah and she says deep down she knew. Ugh.
- Oh Never Mind They’re Back Together #4, I don’t know how long it was because I don’t have a pregnancy to calculate the timeline of this one but I would guess less than 12 months based on the separation & divorce papers. On the way to lodge the divorce papers, Karl changes his mind and goes home. Susan turns up and tells him that she does not want to get divorced either. They forgive each other for all the preceding bullet points and Susan moves back in.
- Karl writes an erotic novel under the name E. M. Williams. Technically this isn’t really a part of his love life but as if I’d leave it out.
- Karl counsels Erin, but has to ask a nurse to be present after Erin hits on him, because Dr Karl Kennedy can’t go about his day without women throwing themselves at him. The only surprise is that it sounds like Karl is being professional this time, since his usual reaction to inappropriate workplace relationships is to wave his lips around and hope he hits something.
The End…
For Now
Some background: Pretty much entirely sourced from Wikipedia. I haven’t watched Neighbours in over 10 years but I read this glorious recap of Dee’s return and it had a moment with Karl & Susan:
Meanwhile Dr. Karl Kennedy — who is not dead and is still on the show — is on the street and he is bloody flabbergasted! “I thought I saw a woman who looks like Dee!” he says. Susan Kennedy ignores him and gets the mail because she obviously still hates him, good to know nothing has changed.
and I thought “he cheated on her at some point didn’t he?” and because I am lazy I got my partner to go look it up on Wikipedia and he kept finding girls Karl had snogged that weren’t the one I was thinking of (which turned out to be Izzy) and basically the whole thing ended up with me getting him to read out the entirety of Dr Karl’s love life while I flopped around giggling like a dickhead.
